


Ghostwriter

by Gashadokuro



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comedy, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Viktor with a K, cries in russian, i can't tag properly, just a comedy one-shot, viktor's pen goes missing, who is the theif, yuri and viktor are engaged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:07:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9464567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gashadokuro/pseuds/Gashadokuro
Summary: Viktor can't find his pen, and suddenly everyone becomes a pen theif suspect.“What, there’s a pen shortage in Russia or something? Not enough ink left in the country to write down your Vodka orders?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this based on my favorite Community episode when Annie loses her pen. Hope you like it!

“I want to search your bags.”

“Oh, come on! It’s a pen, Viktor! It probably just rolled away or something. Buy a new one, for Christ’s sake.”

The Russian skater crossed his arms and pouted. Now, this discussion, or argument, had been going on for quite some time. 30 minutes ago, after Yuuri, Yurio, Phichit, Chris and Viktor had finished giving each other tips and pointers, and were about to go home, Viktor realized his pen was missing as he was packing up his things. They were all standing beside the benches near the empty rink, rolling their eyes at Viktor’s blatant inability to act his age. He wasn't exactly the type to let things go, and as a result of that, he had locked the doors and refused to let anyone leave until he got his pen back. 

Yuuko had given Viktor and Yuuri permission to use the rink whenever they wanted, whether they were alone or with friends, but surely their time could have been spent more productively than this. 

“It’s not just a pen! It’s a principle. One of you stole my pen, and I want to know who it is so I can let you know that I will never trust you again.”

“What, there’s a pen shortage in Russia or something? Not enough ink left in the country to write down your Vodka orders?” Chris mocked his friend with sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

Yuuri sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “Okay, fine. Everyone sit down.”

The group did as they were told, not even sparing Viktor a second glance as they did so.

“Right,” Yuuri said, standing up,” apparently, this... pen, means a lot to Viktor, so whoever took it, maybe you were just going to borrow it and give it back later, please give it back to him now, and then we’ll forget this.”

“Borrowed it?!” the Russian snarled.

“Fine. Whoever insidiously and with great malice of forethought abducted Viktor’s pen, confess, repent and relinquish so we can leave.”

The sarcasm in his fiancé’s voice didn’t go unnoticed, but Viktor was too busy trying to find the pen thief among them.

“Here, you can have my pen, Nikiforov.” Yurio said with a sigh.

“That’s my pen,” Yuuri said, staring at the youngest who retracted his offer.

Viktor ignored them, once again saying, “I want to search your bags.”

Yurio snorted, letting everyone know that he was not about to let anyone rummage through his belongings.

Phichit gasped and pointed at him. “You took it, didn’t you?”

“What? No!”

“Then let Viktor search your bag. Let him have a quick look.”

“Quick look? There's no such thing as a quick invasion of civil liberties! How about we search your bag, hamster boy?”

“Okay, enough! Pen thief, whoever you are, let’s make a deal. We’ll all turn around, and close our eyes for 30 seconds. That’ll give the culprit enough time to sneak the pen back into Viktor’s bag. How does that sound?”

The four boys avoided the Russian’s piercing gaze, and nodded in agreement.

“Everyone stand up, close your eyes and turn around. When I get to the count of 30, we all turn around, yes?”

“Yes,” the group replied in unison.

“Okay. One, two, three-”

“Wait,” Chris whispered, causing everyone to turn around and immediately accuse him. ” Okay, not a good time to ask if anyone has any gum. Got it.”

Yuuri sat down, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was already past midnight and he just wanted to go home and sleep, preferably with Viktor beside him.

“You know what? This is ridiculous. Just let Nikiforov search our bags so we can get this over with.”

“But-“

“Let him do it, Yurio. Come on.”

“… fine.”

“Stay within each other's line of sight, one of you is a monster,” Viktor growled before he slammed his hands on to the table, eyes darting from one possible culprit to another. “Yurio, empty your bag on the table.”

One by one, they emptied their bags with Viktor rummaging through the contents. When it was Phichit’s turn, Yuuri intervened.

“Wait, think about the threshold we’re crossing here. We don’t trust Phichit? He’s our innocence.”

Viktor bit his lower lip. “He ripped your favorite poster of me, remember?”

“Fine, empty his bag.”

Phichit willingly opened his bag and let Viktor look through it. “Hm, okay, it’s not him.”

“Hang on,” Yurio suddenly interjected. “Is it just me, or is it becoming increasingly obvious that Viktor has the pen?”

“Excuse me?”

“I think you found your pen halfway through all of this, Nikiforov, and you are too embarrassed to tell us.”

“I’m not hiding my own pen, you paranoid hippie. You already checked my bag.”

“Which is the last place you’d put it if you found it.”

Everyone eyes were directed at Viktor, making him feel utterly uncomfortable. “You want to check my pockets? Go ahead!” He started undressing to prove his innocence, as did everyone else. They stripped down to their boxers and checked each other’s clothes on the floor.

“I can’t find it.”

“Me neither.”

Chris gave Viktor a pat on the back. “You know, sometimes I think I lost something really important to me and then it turns out I already ate it.”

The Russian skater rolled his eyes. “I didn’t eat my pen, you space case.”

After 10 minutes of utter silence, Yuuri broke the tension in the room. He was already tired, and the fact that no one could find Viktor’s pen, pushed him a little bit over the edge. He started looking through all the papers scattered on the floor, tossing them on the floor when he couldn’t find what he was looking for.

“You know what?! We’re gonna search this entire building until we find this magical pen that no one seems to know where is! If it’s somehow become imbedded within the ice, I will burn this ice rink to the ground and rescue your pen from its ice encased hell!”

To everyone’s horror, he practically tore every corner apart, cursing and swearing as he did so. It was a somewhat amusing, though, seeing Yuuri run around in his boxers, swearing in both Japanese and Russian with Yurio shouting “run little piggy, run”

“Y-Yuuri! Stop it! Come on, let’s just forget about it. It’s just a pen!”

Cue dead silence.

He turned around, eyes peering into Viktor’s. “Oh, it’s just a pen now? It’s not a principle anymore?!”

“I don’t know!”

“You have it, don’t you, Viktor?”

“No, I don’t have it, you psycho! You have it, Yuuri, I know you do!”

“Stop it!” Phichit shouted as he got in between the two to break up the fight. “Calm down, please. Let’s all just sit down, okay?”

Eyes never leaving each other, the oldest skater reluctantly sat down.

“I swear I don’t have it, and it really hurts that you would think I’d put you all through all of this if I had it, but you know what hurts the most?”

“The fact that we’re sad enough to spend a Friday night like this?”

“Shut up, Chris. What hurts the most is that we don’t seem to trust each other,” Yuurio calmly stated.

“Exactly. Look.. I’m sorry. For accusing all of you.”

Phichit smiled, handing Viktor his clothes. “It’s okay. We’re all tired, and.. well, you’re a major OCD case-”

“Phichit, not now.”

Yuuri chuckled. “You know what? It almost seems impossible. Your pen, I mean.”

“It does seem impossible… what if the impossible happened?” Chris asked.

“What?”

“What if a ghost took the pen?”

“God forgive him,” Yuuri whispered.

“I’m serious, guys. What if a ghost took the pen?”

They thought about it for a few minutes, and the more they thought about it, the more likely it was.

“A ghost took the pen,” Yuuri whispered.

“A ghost,” Viktor agreed. “A ghost took my expensive blue pen with a gel grip.”

“But… why would a ghost need a pen? That’d be a legit ghostwriter, eyyy. Thanks ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week.”

Just as Chris was about to elaborate, they heard the door unlocking. Yuuko made her way towards the rink, humming a tune to herself. However, she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the scene that had unfolded before her. “Are you guys stil—oh my god! What have you guys done in here?! Why are you in your boxers? What the hell?”

The boys let the state of the huge room sink in. “Something you can only dream of.”

“Christ.. wow, look, I just wanted to see if you were still here so I could return your pen, Viktor.”

“…What?”

“You pen. You let me borrow your pen this morning, remember?”

Yuuri’s jaw dropped. “Viktor Nikiforov, is this true? We’ve spend the last 3 hours looking for a pen that was never even in this room to begin with?”

“No! I used it to take notes when you were skating… I mean, I think I did.”

Yuuko gave the Russian his pen before saying goodnight.

As the door closed, the boys, except from Viktor, rose to their feet, staring him down.

“Okay. You have your pen, and now we get to kill you with it.”

“Oh, come on! It’s not like you guys have never misplaced anything. Yurio, I found your mini shampoo bottle in the fridge once. Chris, I found a chocolate bar under your pillow-”

“Hey, I didn’t misplace that. My dreams make me hungry.”

Yuuri crossed his arms, a smirk painting his face. “I think our dear Nikiforov has to pay for this.”

“W-What?”

“How about you start off with driving us back to my place, make us something to eat, make sure to wake us up tomorrow, drive us back here, buy us breakfast and then lunch-”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Viktor crossed his arms and cursed in Russian. “It’s unfair!”

“Life isn’t always fair, my love,” Yuuri said with a smile before leaning in and giving his fiancé a kiss.

And so, Viktor had to “suffer” through his punishment, and one thing is for sure, if his pen was missing, he wouldn’t blame any of the boys again.

“Hey! Who took my-never mind, I found it.”

Well, some things never change.


End file.
